i dun feel lyk me

i'm afraid..i feel different...i'm lost..i dunno why this is happening..is it my parents?friends? well,i tot my family has bcum okay,bt now dey keep scolding me for every smallest thing especially mom..well,i guess u all noe how my mom is lyk..haha..dulu ajik kene grounded jer..well,now i'm so scared tat i dun think i can go for the marathon..i hope i can..i want to go,badly..well,i i guess maka is all i have now..i tot mcc cud gain me more frens..well,its difficult..yes i can make frens..bt its hard to make true frens..dey treat secrets lyk announcements..dey kutuk u lyk gile babi..well,i can take it lah..bt sumtyms u juz get the feeling where enuff is enuff lah..and seriously,i feel very the outcast lah sey..mcm dey have their inside jokes and all..and i was clueless abt evrything..dey wud whisper to each other and give me dis kind of look and a smirk dat noes u are being criticised..sad..den it seemed lyk everything i say is wrong..if i was noisy,dey wud say i very talkative..when i'm quiet dey say i'm jiwang..well,wad can i do..den,i'm trying not to lyk her anymore..and i think i dun..bt dis pple keep saying it and its irritating u noe..sumhow everybody noes..which sux,really..and i guess,she doesnt even give a damn..she has her own eye candy..and wadever lah..so i guess she's happy with life now..dats great,cos i cant stand seeing her being frowny and sad..well,if she's happy,wad more can i ask for..finally,i wanna go for the competition dat ngee ann is organizing,KHATULISTIWA..i'm supposed to be involved,bt i have to go for my stupid trip to m'sia.. i feel bad,if i dun go for either..my mom very noisy aready cos she say we dun spent tym as a family anymore..bt i feel bad cos i really wanted to help them in khatu..well,hady won..it sux,cos he didnt really sing well ytd..it aint fair..bt congrats to him anyway...u made s'pore proud..i noe i'm talking crap..too many things gg on my mind..i'm losing too many things at the same tym..its the holidays,i shud be happy..well,i guess its bcos i'm fat..seriously,if i had a hot body and a gorgeous face,i dun think i wud face dis probs..well,i hope maka outings can put a smile on my face..its been a tough few days for me..haiz..tc peeps..hope to go for marathon..

-MoK-

p.s.: aku rarely emo,i guess dis is juz one of the tyms..sorry guys..