I'm a disappointment, anyway.

dear Makas

sorry i couldnt turn up for yesterday's football thingy. and sorry couldnt turn up for Bushmen Gig today. its kinda sad. and feverish. but things do happen.

aku kene gi mesjid utk sambut tahun baru Islam.

and mak aku... *toot* kadang2 aku malas nak balik rumah.. cos of her.. and the other.. what's a house if its not peaceful.. then when you're not happy, muka masam..

how does it feel if muka kau tengah masam, then your mum will be like "AH!! BAWAK BALIK LAGI MUKA IBLIS KAU TU. MAK SUROH CARIK MESJID, TAK CARIK."

it sucks ah.. bukannye nak tanye ke ape.. or coax ke.. ya im turning 21, im still a kid at heart.. :(

when you're facing your own issues and work issues, all thats needed is a peaceful time at home. when u put a PREACHER, a LEGONG, and a BECOK at home.. its not so nice. war of the words.


mental torture.


sometimes i wish i can be alone, live alone. i miss living with my late granny and my uncle.

LIFE WAS A PARADISE BACK THEN.

its fucken irritating at home, its not a home anymore. whats a home without food and sweet chilled drinks. whats a home when u feel more pressure at home.

dear mom, sometimes u forget that i'm your soon too. mom, i understand your strength and beliefs in our religion and its teachings, but do remember our religion too teaches us happiness. sometimes u get too way overboard..

u are a fanatic, like those Indonesian Terrorists whom u claim to be looking cheerful and happy when they're about to be hanged/shot cos of terrorism. kadang2, cara perbualan mak bagaikan ustazah yang telah mengajar Islam utk satu abad gitu.

mak, cara pengajaran bukan mcm gini. u cannot use harsh words to educate your sons. u were also brought up in a not-so-warak environment; same for us. u try too hard, to change. i know u haven't gotten over dad, but u don't have to hurt us by saying..

"KORANG ADE DARAH SI BEROK (BAPAK) MENGALIR DALAM BADAN. JANGAN IKOT MACAM DIA, GILA BATAM. MAIN MUSIC, KUAT TIPU2 ORANG. JANGAN TERIKOT MACAM FAMILY DIA. SEMUA TAMAK."

hafiz tau kadang2 mak feeling2 macam Serikandi Islam, berjuang untuk agama. tapi mak pun kene ingat, kite semua manusia.. u started to Dakwah about 8years ago, Al-Quran not finished, and haven't perform Hajji. ok, setakat attending FARDHU AIN and you're so proud of it. what have u accomplished as a Muslimah?

still don't realize that your ethics are abysmal, or what they call, "riak".

ALL YOU DO IS PREACH LAH OKAY, IM SO SICK OF IT OK NURSE!!

U didn't bring up the family well, u didn't give in to dad last time. dalam rumah tangga, isteri yang kene dgr ckp suami. i remembered when i was young, YOU TWO always squabble. your lashing mouth mustve hurt him alot, which caused a lot of tragic consequences.

yet sometimes (ALL THE DAMN TIME) u sound like a qualified Islamic Preacher. u keep saying that i am just like dad. always keeping quiet, never say out or express how i feel.

for what??!! whenever i do that, YOU ALWAYS WIN. like just now. so much for your "things can be discussed".

its useless to say how i feel cos u always win, mom. u always do. you're the best, the champion, the olympiad, the BEST NURSE IN SGH, the BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. so much for self-claiming "mak rugged, mak macam bestfren korang, apape leh bilang mak." bloody hell. a bestfriend would support whatever i do. a bestfriend wouldn't call me names or criticize me. a bestfriend wouldn't stop me from things unless its HARMFUL.

yelah bilang mak!! bilang bende, muke marah!! nanti kene maki lagi ada!! tak sayang anak betol!! thanks ah mak!! byk mak punye BESTFREN!! PODAH!!

mom, if im the worst son on earth, like how u describe my behaviour as.. why dont u pickup another son from Jamiyah Halfway House.. i can live as i am.. i can find my own lodging.. u make me feel like u picked me up from a sea of tortoises and mermaids. i feel so unbelonged, and so lost albeit all my problems im facing.

what do you know, only know how to preach. preacher. u need a mirror.
and to someone out there, i understand where u come from. i know how much u hate me now.. i guess i'm a disappointment in every aspect. God knows.


signing off,

hafyz squier


ps: sorry guys.. for this entry.. i dont have any other means of expressing myself..im down-ed. :(

Maka BiAnnual Football Tournament

Wassus Peepz. Assalamualikom.

Tommorrow 13-12-2008, we are going to play football at FICO sports hub
Timing will be 10 PM- 12 MN. Yes! we are playing at night.

Meeting place
FICO itself at 930 plz plz dont be late. tk tau pergi gi ngan owang2 yg tau .

Required to bring
-Football Shoe
-$10-$15 cold hard cash (food,drinks and tobacco 'slightly' subsidies)
-Pride and Dignity
- Smile

*aper sak aku mepek.


After that we would head back to my crib to lepaks/"thon". Catch some movies.
Hopefully i can cya guys tommorrow. Signing out

PTE Md Fadhil
a.k.a Dhilyo

Assalamualaikum Semue...

By now you guys shud already noe that our beloved friend, Abdul Malik Bin Ahmad had left us.
A person with such a big heart, great personality, and a really gorgeous guy.

I just cant believe a person like that just left this world. its hard for us to accept the fact but i hope all of us,
his friends, family members could forgive ourselves and stay strong. he's really a friendly guy. I really miss hanging
out with him. its been such a long time since i saw him and talked to him and i kinda regret and feel guilty. Haiz,
rite now my thoughts are just jumbled up. at such a young age, he has a bright future ahead and kadang2 eh ako feel machiam of all people asl mesti dier
y him?? y?? tapi kite kene paham ini seme takdir tuhan, kite kene la trimenyer semue. tuhan lagi menyanyangi dier
lebih daripade kite so kite kene la bersabar.disebalik kejadian ini kite kene amek iktibar.

noe what when i received the news i was really shocked. i guess everyone was shocked to hear the news. its like so sudden
and unexpected. it was really hard to believe it and i was like huru-hara uh pt umah tak tenteram. the past two nites
i couldn't really eat, i was damn moodless, cant sleep properly thinking about him. i cried when i look into his friendster
and look at his pictures. it was really hard for me. thinking back the memories and the time i spent with him is
very precious to me. to me secondary school was the best time of my life especially in sec 1, i really enjoyed being
in that class alongside the malay boys, rain, fyz, malik, hafidz, farhan. during our secondary school days, i can say
that im close with Malik. (BTW HE WAS THE ONE WHO TAUGHT ME HOW TO PLAY CS, and till now i still play CS and im good at it!) at first,
on the 1st day of school, when i saw him i tot he was a chinese boy sia. somehow we talked and we get to know each other and we became
quite close.i remember we used to hangout at malik's house to chill and enjoy. we used to call him Mr Bean laa, coz of his hair (smart boy),
and of coz his dam sexy legs and his brown eyes, his chubby cheeks, his voice, his butt (LOL!!), the way he walks. i remembered
i used to stroke his legs, hahaha (Pervetic eh!, alah gurao!) and he used to jentik punat orang...ingat sey!!
saket plak tuu! furthermore i used to play soccer with him and he always wanted to play upfront and not the goalkeeper. that was at
boon lay st soccer. DAM i missed those days how i wish i could turn back time! Sigh~~ those were the days...
Memories memories...i noe there's more of it....

btw ystrday nite, hannah gave me malik's bloglink and i didnt noe he has a blog so i read. after reading thru his post my eyes
were just staring blankly at the sreen. the way he phrase the words and express how he felt. he always wanted to spent time
with his friends and i felt so depressed. haaizzzz....really down siaa...kesian seeyyy...k uh i guess i wanna stop here, when
im writing this post i can really feel the emptiness in my heart. its like something was just ripped out from ur life. the death of a
friend whom you know is like different uh. i could really feel the lost of his presence. the impact is really strong. sial ah...
ako yg kenal dier since sec school rase machiam gini abeh yg those who have grew up with him, his family members, how they holding up sey.
haixx...it takes time for all of us to heal uh .we must support one another and keep in touch uh! we never noe when our time will come and losing a friend
is enough i dont wanna lose more friends...=(

btw this is the only pic i have inside my PSP and its my wallpaper currently.(Credits to rain for making this)
Gambar2 seme hilang sia, seme pt laptop(ROSAK) lamer !!! ako nk gambar2 raye!!! plz send me!!
and sorry uh my english and malay hancur laa...

so here's the pic:





WE'll ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU, DEAR FRIEND. TILL WE MEET AGAIN.... ='(


- Iz -

P.S MSG me if u guys wanna ziarah kubur dier. (This sat, hopefully)